Train Cant? Dictate a Rant!

Speaking Freely "Hello, this is John from Clapham..."

2009-09-06T03:29:00.001-07:00

"Hello, this is John from Clapham Junction. I want to know why the South West train constantly plays bloody annoying pre recorded messages all the way through ___ From Kingston ___. What's the point of having silent trains when you got this bloody record going on. It annoys the hell out of me. Stop it please."

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Speaking Freely "Hello yeah, I'm just testing..."

2009-09-06T03:09:00.001-07:00

"Hello yeah, I'm just testing to see if this actually works. Ok. Bye."

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Speaking Freely "What"

2009-08-05T01:31:00.001-07:00

"What"

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Speaking Freely "Hi Paul, it's only James...."

2009-08-02T11:08:00.001-07:00

"Hi Paul, it's only James. Just been given the sad news mate sorry I can't be there but I'm down on holiday down on the board by about and once again mate I'm very very sorry to hear as soon as get back and give me a bell or pop down and see you mate. Speak to you later. Ta da."

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I'm looking out the window on the Victoria line heading up to Walthamstow

2009-03-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

It's not exactly the garden of Eden is it?

And they say south London is grim!!

Give me Browckwell Park any time.

Speaking Freely

2009-03-07T08:22:00.001-08:00

"You far king can't. Where is my bloody train?"

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Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:16:00.001-08:00

"Hello this is Dave from Wimbledon. This is a message to the rather annoying pregnant lady who was on my tube this morning dangling to Victoria. She stood over me tutting all the time hoping that I'd give up my seat to her because she's pregnant. Well lady, it's not my fault you're pregnant and I have got a seat for the first time for ages. I don't see why I should have to give it up and also as you noticed I was rubbing my knee, I've got a bad knee. So no, I've no sympathy for you whatsoever. Seeing about yourself at the duff(?). Ok this is Dave from Wimbledon. Thank you. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:14:00.001-08:00

"Hi, my name is Cynthia and I'm from Canada. I just got into Waterloo Station and there's a big sign saying good service running on all London undergrounds(?). Well buddy I'll be the judge of whether you're a good service or not and I don't think you are. I think your service is dreadful, don't you have employ cleaners in London. Ok, I'm Cynthia and I'm phoning from London and I'm from Canada originally. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:06:00.001-08:00

"Hello yeah, this is Amanda from Kingston. I tilled on to work today on the South West trains and they keep talking about having standard class and first class. There's only 2 classes of ticket on the South West trains. That's sitting class and standing class. Why don't you price your tickets accordingly. It's disgusting. It's not fair on us. Thank you. My name is Amanda and I'm from Kingston. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:05:00.001-08:00

"Hello, this is Derek. Got on the train this morning. ___ back to London Bridge as ever the train was packed. Why is it people don't move down the train to let other people on. What on earth is it going on there. Why can't the guards shout at them instead of blowing the whistle at us. I only get a cattle ___ and make these selfish bastards move down the bloody train so we can get on. Ok. That's it. Thank you. Goodbye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-09-23T04:49:00.003-07:00

"Hello I've noticed that on my train coming in from North Hampton into London there seems to be no relation between the timetable and what's written on the board yet the trains aren't recorded as late. Have you got your own dual system of running the the train timetables, it's ridiculous. Ok goodbye"

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Speaking Freely

2008-09-23T04:49:00.001-07:00

"Hello this is Dave from ___. I can't explain why my train always leaves on time but then as soon as it ___ out the station it stops for 10 mins. It just sit there we sit there in confused complete silence. Well someone explained to me the other day that is how they fiddle the punctuality records because the train leaves on time it's recorded on time it arrives 20 mins late and we're all completely fed up, but they don't really care about that because they still get paid. What a screw up. Thank you."

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Speaking Freely

2008-09-23T04:44:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Barry. I would like to complain not about the trains but about the fellow passengers. I was on a train yesterday coming up to Waterloo just killing some time when suddenly this lady for no apparent reason shouted at me. Do you have to pluck your ears like that? I was dumb founded. Why shouldn't I use that time for a bit of male grooming? I was just shocked. Anyway when I put it in my ear, mouth. She got even more upset. Please South West trains do something about your passengers. We need a passengers Chartar(?). Thank you."

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Speaking Freely

2008-09-23T04:35:00.001-07:00

"Hello. I would like to complain about a transport police man who was very, very bossy and viscous at Victoria Station last night. He wouldn't let me on my train to go home and he said I was drunk and incapable. Blimey. Drunk and incapable: if I've heard that once, I've heard it a thousand times I'm sick of it. Why don't they just let me get on my train and go home, this is political correctness gone mad. Thank you."

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Speaking Freely

2008-09-22T13:10:00.001-07:00

"Hello, I'm phoning about the shop near Kingston train station called Cracking Pies. I think it's a really nice shop. I'd like to say how nice the people were but I feel really sorry for them because they're not in a regular position and they don't seem to get many customers but they're such nice people. I hate all the big High Street chains. Doesn't everybody? They everything there own way. So anyway I'd just like to say go to Cracking Pies and buy a pie while they're still in business. Ok thank you"

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-10T10:36:00.001-07:00

"Hello. I was in this bookshop the other day and this incredibly aggressive woman was serving.

I think she'd decided I was a shoplifter. She even followed me into the toilets. She waited until I was settled in, then started banging on the cubicle door, shouting "Are you going to buy that book, 'sir'. "

That's right, she said 'sir' incredibly sarcastically. This woman has never known the phrase - the customer is always right.

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-10T10:13:00.001-07:00

"Good evening. I had to wait ages for Cassandra and Champagne - or whatever their stupid names were- to finish off their conversation about Kevin, before I got what passes for service in Gannons gym, in suburbiton today. have you noticed how useless they are in most gyms. They must pay peanuts, because they seem to attract a lot of monkeys and bottom feeders."

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-10T08:20:00.001-07:00

"I heard a bloke in a restaurant saying Gordon Brown is out of touch. That's nonsense. Gordon Brown says he meets lot of ordinary people, listens to their concerns and acts of them. Iknow that's true too. When I met him I was lost for words, so I blurted out something stupid like 'Why don't you take five billion pounds out of our pensin funds and spend it on press releases, private education for your kids, and diversity courses. And he subsequently did. "

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-10T06:33:00.001-07:00

"Hello I am Emilia Anderson and those trains are awesomely terrible.

How do the train companies make a profit when they are so shit.

Will you stop swearing? You're not supposed to use a mobile phone in this carriage.

Mind your own business mate, I'm dictating a complaint message about this train being late"

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-05T05:14:00.001-07:00

"Hello this is Cathy.

I'm at Bristol Parkside, and there's something on the tracks that looks suspiciously like poo poo and toilet paper. Please tell me they don't flush the toilets directly onto the tracks, not in this day and age.

Goodbye"

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Speaking Freely

2008-08-05T04:46:00.001-07:00

"Why do South West Trains guards spend so much time on the intercom. And why do they speak like they're piloting Concorde. 'Well be cruising at six feet, at speeds up to ten miles an hour. if you wish to visit the buffet, you can buy over priced drinks from a surly jobsworth'. You're not professionals matey, you're a glorified ticket collector. Shut up and leave us in peace! "

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Speaking Freely

2008-07-21T14:42:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Andrew and I live in Richmond in Surrey. I'm on the bus at the moment and it's fantastic. Do you know I had 2 buses that came all together some think that is a bad thing. I think that is a brilliant thing. 2 buses come together, they sail and only stop at alternative stops and you're going at billio(?), you go so far you end up catching up to the little bus in the front. Then there's 3 of you, then you're only stopping at every 3rd stop. It is brilliant. You go so quickly, it's like speeding down the bridge 66 with the wind blowing through your hair except you're in Kingston. It's marvellous. Why don't you send out 2 buses together all the time? That'll be far better. That's my suggestion to make, keep London moving. Ok. Thank you. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-07-21T14:24:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Guy I live in East ___ and for some reason I'm stuck in a massive traffic jam and oh look I just gone past it now, I know what the problem is. There's a a minor accident. Do you know how long we've been stuck here for all this time cos everybody slows down to look at the traffic accident. Why don't the police cover it all up and take some pictures of the ghoulish incident stick their money into that. Then they can look at it later, that would be a great idea. We all like to look at accidents and then let's look at it at home in fault and colour glory instead of slowing down and craning our necks and just seeing just a small part of the accident. That's my idea to get everyone back at work on time, thank you goodbye"

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Speaking Freely

2008-07-21T14:22:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Embros(?). I'm from North Dublin originally but I now live in London. On they M25 and some idiot who's been cruising along at 60mi an hr in the fast lane for about 5 mins. Why on earth don't people pull, if you fine people for staying in the fast lane I'm just speaking about, you can make a fortune. I know policing is all about fining people so why don't you do that. You don't need to open the forth lane. Just fine the idiot and they'll pull over. Thank you. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T01:18:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Bryan, I'm an arts critic for a London Regional Paper and I live in Wimbledon. Now I do wish that they would teach train drivers to communicate a little bit more clearly on the District and Circle Line. How would they tell us that the train is about to burst into flames and we've only got 10 seconds to run for our lives? I imagine they would do it like this, mumble mumble mumble run mumble wumba(?) bumble for lives mumble mumble mumble or you will fry, peep. They can communicate perfectly clearly when they're on strike, and talk in to the TV cameras, but when they wanna tell us that the train's not moving for 25 mins they can't even get their heads out of their bloody newspapers. It's not rocket science, teach these men to talk clearly. My name is Bryan and I live in Wimbledon. Thank you."

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